Snorp Thoughts

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A Eulogy for the Old Snorp Dot Dev

April 20, 2026

I thought the old version of this website was genuinely entertaining. I also thought it was time, in the year 2026, to make it a little easier on the eyes. I have such a soft spot for all the goofy stuff that lived here until now that I couldn't just delete it and move on. It deserves a proper sendoff.

The old homepage in all its glory
The old homepage, sans myriad animations


First, the one good idea

Before we get to the clowning, I want to note a feature that actually worked very well: the blog automation. I had built a streamlined tagging system and pipeline for creating and formatting articles, a micro-CMS. It was good, but the truth is that on a site this small such features are simply unnecessary. Blog posts are linked directly from the homepage and everything fits on one screen without scrolling.

The GIFs

The old site was held together by three GIFs and a dream.

Howard
Howard. Look at him go!
Sasha with her ODM gear
Sasha
Dat Boi
o shit waddup


Howard was the heart of the operation. I will not explain Howard. Howard does not need explaining.

Sasha, our beloved scout, was very carefully positioned so that she hung perfectly from the top of the container <div> by her ODM gear. Always loved the attention to detail there, almost as much as I love how humble I am.

Dat Boi: Here he come! Take me back to the golden age of memeology...

Snorp Biznus Applications

Naturally, I built an office suite into the website:

Snorp Biznus Applications, spreadsheet view
Productivity has never looked so optional


Snorp Biznus Applications was a full, extremely minimal, profoundly useful office suite living right here: a documents app, a spreadsheet, a slideshow app, and a paint program. No need for Google Drive anymore. No need for vim.

The JavaScript gimmicks

Now we arrive at the heavy machinery.

  • DVD Logo screensaver bounced around the website, yearning to hit the corner (I saw it once).
  • Click Explosion fired a burst of particles out of your cursor every time you clicked.
  • The Snorp Follower, a tiny Snorp that would chase your mouse around the screen.
  • Snorpscape Sailor 1.0, an iframe made in the image of Netscape Navigator.
  • Webamp, a Winamp clone you can grab on GitHub.
HIRE ME

The Snorp follower, at rest
Snorp, now at peace, beholds the screensaver one last time.
Something looks different...

The End

A much more normie-friendly website rises, but Howard goes where I go.

This article does not represent my authentic, rigorous writing style. It was drafted by Claude and tweaked by me due to the relative insignificance of this one.

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